If your puppy took this multiple choice test after living in your house for at least six months, what definitions do you think it would choose?

1. Adult Humans
   1. Not around much
   2. Always negative (say "No" constantly)
   3. Kind of fun to be with
   4. Always grouchy when they come home
2. Children
   1. Mean and dangerous
   2. Unpredictable––to be avoided
   3. Fun to play with, but to be respected
   4. Loud––always getting me in trouble with adults
3. Hands
   1. Always hitting and pointing
   2. Not to be trusted; hurtful
   3. Gentle and comforting; contact to be desired
   4. To be dodged and avoided
4. Voices
   1. Firm, but not loud
   2. Always loud and arguing or scolding
   3. Tell me what mood the human is in
   4. Always happy, even during training sessions or discipline
5. Men
   1. In charge––because they talk loudly
   2. To be avoided because their discipline is normally very physical
   3. To be respected and loved because they enforce rules and play with much affection
   4. Sabotage training sessions by roughhousing and encouraging inappropriate play in the house
6. Women
   1. Talk all the time in scolding tone of voice
   2. Point and ask "Now why did you do this? or "Don’t you know better than that?"
   3. To be ignored––don’t give clear commands or any discipline
   4. To be followed and loved because they are quiet, firm, and loving
   5. To be bullied, because they are usually not physically rough when they discipline
7. The Command "Come"
   1. Run because someone is going to do something to me
   2. Run and someone will chase me
   3. Means nothing because humans say it all the time and don’t mean it
   4. Means come running because a human wants me and will never do anything unpleasant to me if I come right away
   5. Treats or tummy-scratching or hugging or petting or mealtime; lots of happy talk
8. Walking on the Street
   1. A chance to drag my human
   2. A time for being on my guard and barking at everything and everyone I meet
   3. Opportunity to play with other dogs and kids even if they are on the opposite side of the street
   4. A scary experience during which my neck gets jerked about every ten seconds or I get choked non-stop no matter where I walk
   5. An exciting, wonderful chance to walk with my human without any pressure at all on my neck if I stay near him or her; time to have fun with my human on a one-to-one basis
9. Other Dogs
   1. Dangerous and to be barked at and guarded against at every opportunity
   2. Dangerous and to be avoided and run from always
   3. Interesting, but not much fun or exciting enough to make me ignore commands from my human
   4. Reason to urinate on every available surface just to let them know I’m in control
10. Cats
    1. To be killed
    2. Alien creatures that dare me to chase them
    3. Other pets just like me––some are friendly, some are not
    4. Playmates; friends
11. Furniture
    1. Big soft toys to be dismantled and played with when humans aren’t home
    2. Humans’ property; sometimes OK to get on, sometimes not OK
    3. Strictly off limits
12. Crate
    1. Prison
    2. Boring; too hot or too cold; lonely
    3. Comfortable cave; a place to go when I need time alone with my toys and don’t want humans to bother me
    4. A bed at night
    5. Punishment for everything
13. Car
    1. Machine that takes dogs to the veterinarian
    2. Loud, noisy contraption that needs to be chased and barked at
    3. Scary things to be run from when on a walk
    4. Fun, fun, fun; trips to the park, vacations, visits; a chance to be alone with my humans when they’re happy and excited, but I have to be polite
    5. Hot, horrible place where my humans leave me when they go shopping
    6. Neat place to hang my head out the window and try to catch bugs in my teeth (or my eyes) as it moves along
    7. A place to climb all over my humans, sit in the driver’s lap, or get under their feet where those little pedals are
14. Discipline
    1. Hitting, broom, newspaper, hand, etc.
    2. Scolding
    3. Screaming
    4. Choking
    5. Irritating noise that startles me and stops whatever I am doing
    6. All of the above